Carrington's Letters Read online

  Your letter and the Prado have made this day one complete day of pleasure for me. I feel it is like some dream. Once one wakes up and comes back to England, it will never come again. Tomorrow I hope to go to the Prado all the morning by myself, and on Thursday to Toledo for the day. On Friday we shall have to leave for BilBayo: spelt wrong Bil Bao. When shall I see you, Where shall I see you, again?

  Madrid is very stuffy after those mountain towns and the people almost as hideous as the wanderers of Tottenham Court Road. Yes, would you believe it?

  I send you all my love and xxxxxxxxxxx Oh I wish you could only be here to make it quite perfect.

  Your Carrington

  To Mark Gertler

  The Mill House

  Saturday [April 1919]

  Dearest Mark,

  I came back here this morning early, so I shall not see you until next week. Directly I know which day I shall come up to London, I will send you a post card, so that I can be sure of seeing you. What a boost Clive gave you in the Athenaeum! Not that it matters much, but it’s always a pleasure added to having done something good, if people who really understand about painting like Roger appreciate one’s work so highly. We’ll have a regular El Greco afternoon when I come back. I will be able to tell you the colours of all those picture, and also the Goyas. I hadn’t any money, or I would have bought you some reproductions in Madrid. It’s nice to be back here in the country, and see all the flowers in the garden. I found London rather appalling those two days. Living quite vaguely, and wild for more than a month makes the narrow street life, and hideousness of civilization, jar on one rather acutely. I hope you enjoyed your visit to Garsington. One comes back so full of enthusiasm about Spain, and those pictures, and longing to, in some way, convey the pleasures one has had to other people, only to find no one wants to hear a damn word on Spain! I have seen sights one hardly dreamt of and people so beautiful that one quivered to look at them, and then those El Grecos at Madrid and Toledo, yet one has to keep it all inside. I feel so strong just now – and savage. But I see it will wear off in this cold climate before many days. I am again sorry to have been so stupid as not to have seen you in London. My love to you. Do keep well.

  Yr Carrington

  To Lytton Strachey

  The Mill House

  Sunday, 11 May 1919

  […] Noel never came as some doctor Austin from Rouen who saved his arm from coming off, appeared at Oxford for the weekend to see him. The Bird Partridge however flew over to tell me. I joined him to my minor Battalion of slaves in the garden and made him plant beans & peas without a break till lunch! Whilst the small boys watered the garden & cut the grass, I rode an imaginary steed round the footpaths cracking my whip and giving orders.

  All the afternoon the Partridge planted parsnips in the garden whilst the minors pumped. I’ve got a headache tonight so I can’t write a proper letter. I think it’s the fug of the valley & general heat. Not that I am in heat … how could one be with a chest of drawers? All the same I would rather like a really exquisite lover to come to me on Sunday when I am alone here!

  Legg came in & made me a treacle tart & washed up today. She is so charming that I nearly weep every time I see her to think she cannot stay here with us always. What did you think of La Crozier? Too refined is all I fear.fn83 The tulips & wallflowers are so lovely in the garden. And the broad beans stand like lines of green Huzzars in their rows. Tell me in your letter, what happened at the weekend? I hated leaving you. Your conversation was so entertaining & have I ever told you before. I love it so much […] But I think I’ll stay here all this next week, & come up the Monday after. I read Donne today. He is an amazing poet.

  My love

  Your mopsa xxxx

  To Lytton Strachey

  1917 Club

  Wednesday [21 May 1919]

  Dearest,

  […] What fun the party sounded last night! Remember it all to tell me next week, I loved seeing you so much on Monday night. Do you know how very much I care for you? And it’s a better sort of affection than it used to be, because now I am not so impatient to be always with you. Because I know always you are here.

  […] You won’t go and get ill, will you. I am only afraid you’ll get too tired rushing about. I’ll write from Pangbourne. I am so happy at going back. The beauty of that garden fills me more and more, and tomorrow I start my painting – and you say you’ll start your writing. Well – we shall see? Dear. Dear. Why are all the inhabitants of this place like frogs and lizards from the underworld. One might write a Greek play especially for this club with a great chorus of monsters and insects!

  Promise me a letter tomorrow. Lytton I must tell you what a difference just knowing you makes. But it will be good to have you next week … and if the High Ladies of the Court grant me my wish. Hugger me, and Bugger me and cover me with kisses.

  Yr Carrington

  With the Mill House as their shared base, Carrington felt more secure with Lytton, despite his comings and goings; but there was about to be a new development. After they returned from Spain, Rex Partridge became a frequent visitor to the Mill. Before long, beguiled and liberated by Lytton and Carrington’s company, his conventional opinions and behaviour began to alter. While it is doubtful that he and Lytton ever had a full sexual relationhip, there was certainly some sexual play between them that summer, while he also became Carrington’s lover.

  To Lytton Strachey

  The Mill House

  Sunday evening, 1 June 1919

  Dearest Lytton

  I did so love seeing you on Friday. It made me frightfully happy. I wonder how you are enjoying tonight. Brenan never came. He wrote & said it was too far to come even for the day. Which disappointed me a little this morning. The young man P came on Saturday after lunch and spent his afternoon in the BATH & reading volumes from our sex library on the lawn.

  The slothful & despondent Jewess came again!fn84 I regret to say Major P did not display your courtesy. But after eating the strawberries & cream she brought, returned to the most remote corner of the lawn & read his books in silence. I admit she was more depressing and depressed even than on Friday! There was a dreadful moment when Mrs Mason came & asked me if she was to lay for three for supper. I simply felt I couldn’t bear it so shook my head & said ‘two’ – practically in the hearing of the Waley. But the creature simply went off smiling sadly. Without as much as look of reproach. I think she is one of the most revolting females I’ve ever seen.

  Mrs Mason turns out to be a very good cook & presents us with enormous meals & teas with scones & beautiful thin & gentle cress sandwiches!!! Her only complaint is that she hasn’t enough work to do! The tribe of wild children increases daily. But no doubt the treacherous bath will soon reduce their numbers. Noel says that essay on Shakespeare is exactly the sort of thing that they would appreciate and would next Monday week suit you. That’s the next Monday after the Cambridge Bank Holiday Monday. Also would you mind if Raleighfn85 came to your reading? As he is an honorary member of the club – & is sometimes asked. But that would be as you like. I say that is a wondrous book! I never enjoyed – for a long time – reading any book so much. One certainly at moments found it very hard to believe a child had written it. I also so envied the life of Ethel! I shall read it once every month and every time I have a pain in my stomach […]

  Noel came over very early this morning to breakfast. He had to go to some lectures yesterday & couldn’t get away. He has spent all today reading vast tomes on the French Revolution. And I’ve been drawing R. P. naked in the long grass in the orchard. I confess I got rather a flux over his thighs & legs. So much so that I didn’t do very good drawings.

  In the Daily News I saw Maynard had completely broken down & was back in England. Perhaps the corruptness of those friends was so bad he deliberately abandoned the sinking ship.fn86

  Well, no more galavanting now for me.

  I shall, like Martha or was it Mary, always be found sitting on the doorstep wai
ting for the Lord.

  It was too infuriating to have missed you that day by going to Oxford.

  Dearest Lytton how much I loved every moment with you on Friday. How completely & entirely.

  Yr Carrington

  PS Do go & ask Geoffrey Humpback [Heinemann] about Daisy Ashford.fn87 He probably knows a good many interesting facts concerning her. I can’t believe she’s grown up into an average normal female and again I often think it’s all a great fraud.

  To Lytton Strachey

  The Mill House

  Monday, 9 June 1919

  Dearest,

  I wonder if you will be able to get back tomorrow. Perhaps I will have a letter from you soon. Well, we have just returned this morning from Garsington. What a mixture of pleasures and torments. I went over alone on Saturday evening, had dinner with Noel & Partridge & then went to this meeting. The Trades Union agitator was too appalling. It’s pretty grim if such men as these are going to control our futures. His stupidity nearly made one shriek aloud and when he recited in the grand melodramatic manner a poem by Kipling I thought a hasty retreat to spare one from worse horrors would be necessary. The young men who spoke afterwards however retained me.

  The creature I rather loved last time, whose name is Ross, was there again. Looking extraordinarily attractive. Noel like a brute wouldn’t introduce him to me. No that’s not true because it probably didn’t occur to him.

  I slept at Temperance Hotel & early the next morning rode out to the trout farm with N and P & swam in the river.

  Had an enormous breakfast outside the inn in the sun. I wish you could stay there next Monday but I’m afraid you’d not be able to get out there after the essaying as it’s some two miles outside Oxford. But it’s such a perfect inn & the country immediately surrounding it, so lovely.

  Then far across the flat fields & the river one saw the little spires & spikes of Oxford very clear & grey. Like a miniature. We found a gramophone & danced outside on the grass & swam again & danced again until 12 o’ck. Then I helped P get lunch in his rooms and whipped up a great egg flip sherry cocktail for Alix’s benefit who had promised to come. Unfortunately she got into the wrong train at Didcot & travelled to Swindon! Why she is alive in this world surprises me sometimes.

  So the three of us had to fall on the cocktails & salmon & give up Alix. Then Noel went back to his studies and I continued my investigations. At four we remet & called for Delaware & bicycled out to Garsington.

  Four motorcars outside gave one misgivings! But the spectacle on the lawn confirmed them a thousand times. La Princess Bibesco,fn88 a Danish monster, a Mrs Holden, two young ladies from Summerville [sic – the then women’s college, Somerville], Toronto,fn89 Goldie & Charlie Sanger,fn90 Mr Mills, & his late Dorothy Warren, the lovely Peter & his friend Mr Cook, Alix (who had eventually reached Oxford & motored out), Her Ladyship & old crumbling Philip. Our arrival had the effect fortunately of making the Princess party & the Warrens depart. Of course it was impossible to get any tea to drink or eat. So whilst Ottoline was saying goodbye I took control & ordered fresh relays in her name, from Minnie. Goldie, Charlie & my cortege were soon hard at work discussing Trade Unions & the League of Nations. Ottoline returned to her seat at the table exhausted & in very ill humour of which I had to bear the brunt. Then the young men swam in the pond & all except Toronto went back to Oxford. Goldie was completely bowled over by the Major’s blue eyes & pestered me with questions about him!!! Ottoline now raves about his appearance & even Alix … ? I remain adamant & admit – to you – that his thighs are elegant, his private parts enorme, his deltoids as white as ivory – but his face. The face of a Norwegian dentist. The evening was in a different way really as horrible as the meeting on Saturday.

  Philip played the pianola for 2 hours without stopping. Except for an appalling conversation most of the time whilst he played, about the merits & demerits of Mozart & Beethoven! Goldie & Charlie are frightfully nice. I don’t quite know which one charmed me most. Ottoline was obviously rongé [ravaged] with a disease & simply hated everybody. Toronto seemed rather depressed & looked spotty & ill. This morning Noel & P were talking in the pond, so Ottoline detained the P to breakfast. When I left with Alix, Goldie like an old black spider was winding him up with his smiles into his web. He maintained they were so intelligent compared to the Cambridge creatures […] Ottoline snuffed about your refusing to stay that weekend with her & tried to find out what you were doing. I, with truth, denied all knowledge of your movements. There were more catawaulings against Clive, and fury because Djaggers [Diaghilev] hadn’t turned up with Massine & Picasso etc. to lunch yesterday as they promised.fn91

  Oh Lytton I love you almost to hurting point.

  Yr Mopsa

  With xxxxxxx

  To Lytton Strachey

  The Mill House

  Wednesday [18 June 1919]

  Dearest Lytton,

  … I wish you hadn’t to be away in this marvellous weather. I find it hard to believe that it’s as hot, or lovely anywhere as in this garden. I prayed earnestly for your welfare last night. I hope it wasn’t as bad as you anticipated. I feel the meeting with Shawfn92 may slightly sugar the quinine. Partridge came over today after breakfast on his bicycle. He has just gone away. He of course didn’t give me any account of your essay club. Partly perhaps because I didn’t ask him. He said you were a great success. But confessed regret that you didn’t like him personally. Will you write me a detailed account of it? […]

  I fear I shall not see you perhaps on Sunday, as Noel wants me to go to a ball with him in the evening which means staying in Oxford for the night. I’ll come back Sunday morning as the cock crows eight. N.B. James proposed himself for the week end with his second wife. As he will have told you.fn93

  Drawing the bud Partridge in my studio was not without its bass accompaniment this afternoon. It was slightly Russian, like a short story. He is so naïve and young. I felt like some mature hag boosted up with a complete knowledge of mankind!! All the while Mrs Mason sang below, and churned her plates, the Mill creaked round and at intervals the water came crashing into the tank from the pump below […]

  But gordie, gordie, when he talks about Oxford and the doings of these young men, UGH! I see it means a large bed in that cottage at Marsland if one is to put up with him for a fortnight. And painting all day long so that one doesn’t have to talk […]

  Lytton, every time you come back I love you more. Something new which escaped me before, in you completely surprises me. Do you know when I think of missing a day with you it gives me proper pain inside. I can’t help saying this at a risk of boring you.

  Goodbye, Carrington

  To Lytton Strachey

  Christ Church, Oxford

  Thursday, 26 June 1919

  Dearest,

  I am sorry not to have written to you before but there has not been time. Truly. Still you know it wasn’t negligence. One thinks of course life will or ought to be altered by coming bravely to this harbour of young men. But I assure you one leaves much the same as one came!

  […] The first dance on Tuesday was at Merton College in the Hall there. It is rather a lovely building inside. I was interested to see a portrait of Bishop Creightonfn94 gazing down sternly at the frivolous couples below. Then one wandered in the gardens which run right along adjoining those Botanical gardens.

  But somehow I became rather furious – these young men do, you know, take their pleasures so pompously. They mix their eggs up with yours & hold your hand & then stroll around the gardens or sit on iron chairs discussing rowing & the pleasures of Oxford life & worse still generalising without an end on life. But their respectability appals one. It was after this dance that we went to the big hotel to the other college Ball and danced till five thirty. R. P. really dances so perfectly that I became almost attached to him by the end of he evening. Then it is rather a relief to find a young man who does enjoy more than uncaressing leg pressures […]

  I got back to Oxford at fo
ur, & went to sleep in a punt until 7 o’ck. Then another dance, this time at the town Hall given by Trinity Hall.

  R. P. couldn’t go as he was too exhausted with one thing and another and is really training for Henley. So I was at the mercy of all the stray young men of Noel’s acquaintance. I met the man who Noel goes out with in September to Bombay. I take the blackest view of him as a companion to work with. His views on the suppression of the natives and the censoring of literature affected me. I should think N. L. C. [Noel] in spite of his moderation would grieve the Clarendonfn95 rather if that young man is typical of their officials […]

  I slept till 9.30 this morning and am now just having breakfast with R. P. He told me a good deal which will amuse you about Goldie that weekend at Garsington! And Mark […]

  I asked N. L. C. last night at the dance if he would mind me sharing a bed in Cornwall with his companion.

  For all her protestations about the dullness of her brother’s Oxford friends, and her offhand references to Rex Partridge (also known as the Major, or Majorio, and before long, at Lytton’s request, Ralph), Carrington seems to have enjoyed herself a good deal at the Oxford summer balls. And her ‘investigations’ with Partridge were certainly sexual – one letter included a small drawing of an erect penis. She was beginning to realise that Lytton, far from disliking him, was becoming infatuated with Partridge and that she could amuse and delight him, always her aim, by reporting what was going on between them. Gertler, as usual, was kept in the dark.